Last week I attended a literary event at my local library and the chief guest was the debutant author Ketan Bhagat. For the audience he was the brother of India’s most influential writer Chetan Bhagat – but only till the interaction began. Two minutes after he began speaking, it was obvious that Ketan Bhagat was completely his own man and author. He was smart and funny and practically reeking of quiet self-assurance.

He was aware of being in big brother’s shadow but was unfazed by it. He wasn’t too perturbed by the devastating twitter humour, including the tag “Sohail Khan of Indian Literature”. Nor by the fact that nobody in the audience had read his book. He took it all in his stride and with good humour. It was a remarkable attitude under the circumstance and one that came in for some comment.

CONFIDENCE IS EVERYTHING 

To which he simply said, “It is not a novel situation for me because my brother was always the topper, even in school days. And I was the laggard. But my parents adored me and to my mother I was always a hero in my own right. And they loved my brother in exactly the same manner. In my house, there was no question that I was the best, as was my brother. Self -confidence comes real easy in a situation like that.”

“Parents’ only job is to love their child. They should focus on doing this job well and stop worrying about toughening up the kid. Toughening their child is not their job,there is an entire world out there that exists just for that purpose! As do sundry aunts and uncles, whose singular duty is to point out how dull and ugly you are! And compare you unfavourably to your siblings/cousins/peers.”

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

A very persuasive argument. Think about it: if only external factors were responsible for self-esteem, why would celebrities who have enviable success and lifestyle (and bodies) spend their time altering or destroying themselves? To my mind, it only reinforces the necessity of an enduring self-image and parental love is the foundation of that resilience.

Today most parents I know spend a lot of their time lugging their kids from one class to another – tennis class, dance class, drawing class, creative-writing class, abacus class. They ensure that their kids have access to resources they probably did not have in childhood and that is a wonderful thing. But it also means that these children have to confront failure at a relatively early age. So, in the midst of all the surfeit, it becomes even more important for the parents to be faithful to their primary duty: to love their children deeply, completely and unconditionally. And to ensure that the children are well aware of the fact. While everyone else needs a reason to love them, children should never feel the need to earn their parents’ love.

On a side note:  Can person with such clarity of vision write a book that is totally rubbish? I certainly intend to find out today. (Complete/Convenient by Ketan Bhagat)